Suicidal Love
by MalecIsBeautiful12345
Summary: Malec Highschool AU - Since Alec is still in the closet, he watches Magnus from a distance. One day, a crowd gathers around the school. Magnus had been bullied to the point of suicide, looking down from the roof of the multi-story school building. Can Alec save him in time, or will he never get to tell him how he feels? ( The chapters are pretty long, so I update every other week.)
1. Chapter 1: MONDAY

Chapter 1 - Monday

The first day of the school week…. Ugh. I usually have little motivation Monday mornings, but the idea of that cute guy I saw at school on Friday gave me a jolt of excitement when I woke up. I excessively combed through my hair, then used my still unopened bottle of hair gel to make it stand up in lots of little spikes. Once I was finally satisfied with my appearance, I closed the lid to the hair gel bottle and placed it back into the cupboard. I applied my deodorant and shaved cautiously as to not leave any embarrassing mess-up wounds behind. As always, I finished without any mistakes and moved on to wardrobe.

I had woken up earlier than the rest of my family so that I'd have extra time to get ready. I wanted to impress that guy, hopefully he'd notice my drastic change in appearance. Izzy woke up just as I was examining and dismissing nearly every item of clothing I had. ' _Dammit! Why do I have to be so freaking emo?!'_ , I thought to myself, frustrated with all of my solid black garments. Izzy and I shared a room and she was now rubbing her eyes sleepily, "Alec, what are you doing?". I was about to tell her that it was nothing and to start getting ready for school, but she was the most stylish person I knew and I was in desperate need of assistance. "Trying to find something to wear.", I replied gruffly, ' _Dang! Do I really sound that grumpy?!'_ , I wondered, considering recording my voice so I could make sure that it wasn't just my imagination.

Confused, Izzy sat up on the side of her bed, "Just wear what you always wear.". Practically yelling I replied, "I can't!". Shocked, voice soft and comforting, Izzy questioned, "Is everything ok, Alec…. Did those bullies tease you about your favorite sweatshirt again because of that one damn hole, 'cause I swear!-". I cut her off, "No, it's not that.". I looked down, wondering what to do next. No one knew my true sexuality, not even Izzy, my favorite person in the world. Grinning, she asked, "Did you happen to pick up a girlfriend sometime last week?". Shaking my head furiously, I denied her suspicion. "No, ew! I don't like girls like that!", shocked at what I had just said, I held my hands to my mouth. I didn't dare glance at Izzy, who I could barely make out in my peripheral vision, her mouth gaping open, eyes wide.

' _Well, she practically already knows now, so I guess I might as well let the cat out of bag.'_. Sighing, I looked up at her, half expecting a disgusted expression smeared over her face, but instead, she just looked worried. "Izzy… I'm gay.", ' _Wow, great job, Alec. Way to be subtle.'._ A wide grin appeared in her complexion, and me, confused, asked her why she was smiling, "Izzy, I just came out to you, our parents are die-hard Christians who would disown me at first glance if they were to find out, and I'm having a major wardrobe crisis right now. Why are you grinning like a maniac?!". This question only made her smile even wider, driving me insane. "Because, Alec. I already knew. How couldn't I? I'm just really proud of you and flattered that you trusted me enough with your secret.". Now more confused than ever, I had one last question to ask, "Why'd you ask about a girlfriend, then? And how did your reaction look so genuine?", ok, maybe two questions.

She smiled with pride and answered me, "I wanted to see if you were willing to tell me the truth and I needed to know for sure that my suspicions were correct. For the reactions, however…", a sigh, "I take theatre classes at school. You've already been to one of my plays. Honestly, I'm disappointed you couldn't figure that part out on your own." I rolled my eyes and she laughed. Eager to get to the matter at hand, I changed the subject, "Now, about my wardrobe crisis….." "Of course.", she said, with a nod. "Remember that sweater I got you for your birthday?"

By the time I was properly dressed and ready to go, we were almost late for the bus. My mother, pleasantly surprised by my attire that was interesting compared to the usual, complimented me with the title of "dashing young man". This furthered assured me of Izzy's talent in fashion. On the way to school, I daydreamed of the cute guy I saw the Friday before, his perfectly styled hair, forming an impressive wave-like structure, glittering with literal glitter. He was obviously not straight. This gave me hope that I had a chance with him, my first _**true**_ crush.

∘〇 〇∘

Once I was finally at school, I scanned nearby faces, hoping to see _**him**_. No luck, but just as I was starting to consider the possibilities of him being sick and absent from school, I heard a body slam against some nearby lockers. I turned a corner to find just the extravagant, not-straight, cute-guy I was looking for. Unfortunately, he was the one being slammed against the nearby lockers by a jock, who I recognized as the captain of the football team. (Yikes!) He had his fist clenched, my crush's collar within its grasp. Mr. First-Crush was gasping for air, his feet hovering above the ground.

"Faggot! You're nothing but a freak! Enjoy Hell!", the jock yelled in his face. I don't know what I was thinking, all I knew was that adrenaline had taken control, and it was my turn to sit back and watch. I couldn't stand to see him being treated this way. My heart was thumping and my hands clenched into tight fists, knuckles turning white. "Let. Him. Go.", I said under my breath, glaring the jock down. For a second, I thought that he might not have heard me, but my theory was nearly immediately disproved as he slowly turned his head towards me. "What?", he said threateningly. Now, voice confident and loud, I repeated myself. "Let. Him. Go!". I glared my most hate-filled glare. I looked him directly in the eye, the intensity of the glare heightening as I grinded my jaw and clenched my fists with such strength that I was sure my knuckles were as white as physically possible. "And if I don't… What're _**you**_ gonna do about it?", he questioned, testing me.

That was it. I swung as hard as I could, exerting all my strength into the single, unexpected punch. I hit him smack in the nose. A cracking sound could be heard and his nose immediately started to bleed. The tough, intimidating jock I'd just earlier seen transformed into a screaming toddler. He instantly released the insanely hot mass of glitter and ran towards the nurse's office, wailing exaggeratedly. I knelt down to aid my crush, helping him into a standing position.

We made eye contact and time seemed to freeze. His creamy, brown eyes shone up at me, tears forming a glossy film encasing the stunningly beautiful feature. I felt like kissing him right then and there, already standing so close to him, and already falling so deep in love. _**Love**_ , not just a simple crush. I almost couldn't speak. "Uh.. uh, are-are you o-okay?", I managed to croak, butterflies filling my insides. He seemed to also be in a trance as he stammered back, "Um, y-yeah, I think.". I glanced at a nearby clock which told me that it was almost time for class. "I'd like to at least know your name before class starts.", I said, as stammer-free as I could manage. He nodded, and didn't seem as recovered from the moment of intimacy as I was, "Y-yeah. Of course.". He managed to form a smile, "My name is Magnus.". I smiled back, "Alec.". He was about to walk away as I grabbed his wrist, stopping him from moving any further from me. He looked back, surprise evident in his expression. I pulled a sharpie out from the side pocket on my backpack with my other hand and wrote my number on the back of his, then placed the writing utensil in his grip. "Could I have the honor of getting your number?", I requested, stretching my opposing hand out towards him. I sounded so calm and collected, but my breathing was difficult to control. He nodded quietly and got to work, scrawling his phone number on my forearm in the neatest handwriting I'd ever seen.

With a forced smile, he looked into my eyes, an action that I could tell he instantly regretted as his smile faded and he just stared, seemingly lost. I couldn't help but admire his too. "You're eyes...", he managed, voice cracking, "They're so…. Blue.". I chuckled, "Is that a compliment?". A genuine smile formed on his lips as he replied, "Absolutely.", before turning away and rushing up a nearby staircase. His stuff still laid, scattered, on the floor where the incident had taken place. Not wanting it to get stolen, I gathered it up and climbed the staircase as well. I could just barely make out his glittery hair as it bobbed up and down in the frenzy of students surrounding us. I followed him all the way to a locker that he stopped at and began to unlock. I ran to him and got his attention with a tap on the shoulder. His head whipped around, startled. "You left your stuff.", I stated. He smiled and replied, "Thank you, Alexander.". I was about to correct him when he took his things and escaped into the swarm of teenagers flooding the hall.

I suddenly remembered my next class and hurried to the room at which it was held. I didn't see Magnus again during the rest of that boring school day, but I definitely texted him afterwards:

 **Me:**

 **Hi.**

 **Magnus:**

 **Hello, Alexander**

 **Me:**

 **My name's Alec.**

 **Magnus:**

 **I know, but I prefer Alexander if you don't mind.**

 **Me:**

 **It's fine.**

 **Magnus:**

 **:)**

 **Me:**

 **:)**

I know, it was just a casual conversation, nothing more, but it was a start and I was very excited for the days to come.


	2. Chapter 2: TUESDAY

Chapter 2 - Tuesday

The next day, I woke up with Izzy staring at me, crouched beside my bed. Her smile was as wide as it could get and her eyes hinted me toward the conclusion that she was feeling extremely hyper. "Izzy.", I continued, "What are you doing here, watching me sleep like a psychopath?", she laughed and replied, "I was waiting for you to get up. We _**need**_ to talk about yesterday.". I sighed with exasperation and rolled my eyes. "What is there to talk about? I already came out to you; What do you want from me?". "Who were you trying to impress yesterday? You almost always wear the same exact ensemble _**every**_ day, and I can't remember the last time you wore hair gel." "It's none of your business.", I replied, annoyed. Now _**she**_ rolled her eyes, "Alec, you know very well that you tell me everything that goes on in your life, and plus-", she continued, "-you know I can keep a secret.". She winked and leaned in closer when I sighed again, now in defeat. "Who is it?", she persisted. "His name is Magnus.". I didn't even notice myself turning beet red until I rubbed my hand over my face, bidding the sleep to leave, and felt my cheeks warmer than expected. She giggled at my surprised expression which made my cheeks turn even redder. She was obviously trying to hold in laughter at that point. I took a deep a breath, trying to calm down, to rid the deep red tint from my cheeks. "Tell me about him.", she demanded, smiling. "Well, he's glittery, has amazing hair, and is definitely into me….. I think.". She laughed at that, and put her hand on my arm. "I'm sure he is.". She suddenly stood up, "Now, we'd better hurry and catch the bus so we're not late.". I nodded and also stood. She continued with a smirk, "And so that you can leap into your boyfriend's arms as soon as physically possible.". I glared at her and she broke out laughing. "Izzy, stop. I _**really**_ like him, ok? Like _**really REALLY**_ like him.". She stopped laughing and stood closer to me. She rested her hand on my chest, "I know you do. Now go get 'em tiger!". I snorted, "I'm not a tiger, but thanks for the pep talk.". We laughed for a second, then started getting ready. ' _I hope I see him again.'_ , I thought to myself, pondering how much trouble I'd get into for texting him in class.

∘〇 〇∘

That day, I didn't see Magnus until lunch. At my school, some kids eat in the cafeteria and others eat outside. When I joined the line getting their trays, I noticed a certain crush sitting at a table in the far back of the room, all alone. Still uncloseted and nervous of how he may react if I rush into a relationship, I noticed a spot at a table near his where only a couple people were seated. Luckily, they were both casual acquaintances of mine and I decided that it wouldn't be _**too**_ awkward sitting next to them.

Once I finally got my tray, I made my way over to the empty seat, one positioned in such a way that I wouldn't have to crane my neck to steal a peek at Magnus. "Oh, hey…", greeted a redheaded girl that I recognized from art class. I remembered complimenting her on her stunning comic strip. "Alec.", I said, as I sat next to the only other person with her. "I hope I'm not a nuisance. I could move if it's weird.", I offered. "No, no, it's fine.", she replied with a smile, "The more the merrier.". I smiled back and glanced over at the guy sitting next to me. I recognized him from theatre, the "easy A" elective I had chosen last year. We had been paired for a spontaneous improv show and had two minutes to brainstorm ideas. He was hilarious and we paired well, the teacher granting us with an A+. "Sup.", I said, wondering why he looked so pissed that I was here. That's when I realized, they were together as more than just friends, or at least that's what he thought, "Seriously, if it's a problem me being here, just say.", I reminded them and when no one objected, I began eating, concentrating on my food. After a couple casual discussions with awkward undertones, I took another bite of my mashed potatoes. As I chewed another bite of my food, I took the opportunity to glance at Magnus. His sleeve was rolled up slightly, just enough for me to see a few, scabbed lines on his wrist. ' _Wait… are those-'_ , I wondered before being ripped from my thoughts by a Clary who was asking for my opinion on who was the best character on Star Wars. This lunch, she and Simon had been playfully debating movie-related topics and utilizing me as their tiebreaker. "Luke Skywalker, obviously.", I replied, not caring at all because I'd never even watched the movies, but I'd overheard Izzy obsessing over him on the phone with her fellow fan girls. She didn't care to show it, but she was a complete nerd when it came to sci-fi. Posters of tardises, Vulcans, and of course, Luke Skywalkers adorned her bedroom walls, and unless the friend she was planning on meeting up with was a total sci-fi freak like she was, she always insisted on going over to their house as to not reveal her double life. I smirked, thinking about how in sync she would be at this table, arguing over enterprise captains, death stars, and things that were bigger on the inside.

That night, as I was getting ready for bed, thoughts about Magnus emerged from the back of my mind and I wondered about those scabs… Were those really cuts? He seemed so confident and comfortable with his sexuality, considering the always-present glitter in his hair and the cat-eye contacts he wore almost every day.

I fell asleep worried about him, so I shouldn't have been surprised when I dreamed of holding him, lightly kissing his forehead, telling him that everything was going to be okay.

 _His dreamy eyes looked up at me, hope and innocence piercing into my heart. He reached up and caressed my cheek. I leaned into the caress and he kissed me passionately on the lips, I kissed back and pulled him closer. Stumbling, we found our way to a couch, but all I could see was his beautiful hair, glittering in the natural lighting glaring at us from a wall of windows to our right. He was slowly unbuttoning my shirt, hot breaths against my neck, when…._

I awoke, in a cold sweat, breathing heavily. My heart was beating fast, and I had to take a few deep breathes to calm myself before falling back asleep. ' _I'm definitely not straight.'_ , I thought to myself as I drifted back to sleep, smiling at the thought of my beautiful Magnus.


	3. Chapter 3: WEDNESDAY

Chapter 3 - Wednesday

As I got dressed, all I could think about were those cuts I saw on Magnus' wrist. Were they really cuts or did he just have a particularly mean cat? I had to know for sure, so it was then that I decided: I'd be sitting with Magnus at lunch that day and nothing was going to stop me.

∘〇 〇∘

When I finally got to school, I had the use the bathroom because I didn't have time at home. I entered the restroom nearest to the front doors of the school building and picked a stall. As I used the toilet, I could hear someone's voice. Crying. Oddly enough, the voice sounded quite familiar and I found out, when we both exited our stalls at the same time, that the familiar voice was that of Magnus. Concerned I asked, "Is everything okay? I heard you crying.", as I washed my hands. Hastily wiping away his tears with his sleeve, he replied, "Oh, it's nothing." "Why would you be crying in the restroom if it was nothing?", I asked skeptically. I knew he was lying and I had the worst feeling in the pit of my stomach at the acknowledgement of his pain. He opened his mouth like he was about to reply, but a hitched breath interrupted his attempts, and I could tell that he was holding back tears. "I want you to know that you can be honest with me. I won't rat you out to the whole school or anything. I just genuinely want to help.", I assured him, hoping to help him to understand that I was on his side. My eyes traveled down his arm, and I could see a drop of blood making its way down his wrist. Suddenly, my eyes were drawn back to his face as his features twisted up and he let a few tears escape, rolling down his cheek. I rested my right hand on his shoulder and at that, he couldn't pretend any longer. He stepped closer to me, burying his face in my sweater. I could make out a muffled, "Thank you.", against my chest, his breath making my skin tingle underneath. "Any time.", I replied, tracing circles along his shoulder blade.

∘〇 〇∘

During the course of that day, I was eagerly awaiting lunch period. I just needed to see him. My brain kept telling me that he was in trouble, that he needed my help, but all I could do was sit there, at my desk, failing to concentrate on my homework. When lunch period finally came, I was so relieved at the thought of finally seeing him, that I was the first one out the door as I rushed to the cafeteria. My eyes scanned each lunch table, searching for his face _**somewhere**_ in the crowd, but no matter where I looked, I couldn't see him. Once I had my lunch tray at last, I heard a commotion outside, and instead of sitting at my usual spot in the cafeteria, I wandered out there to see what all the excitement was about. I looked up, at the roof of the school building, following the gaze of all the other students around me. Shocked, I dropped my tray, as my eyes fell on the last person I'd wanted to have seen on that roof except for Izzy… Magnus, blood dripping from his wrists, tears flowing down his face, was towering above us, the toe of his left shoe inching its way off the ledge. I let out a repressed cry. He looked over at me and I saw his mouth open in terror, realizing how much he was scaring me. He furrowed his brow in a way that told me, ' _I don't want to hurt you.'_ before backing up, his sneaker unseeable from where I was positioned. ' _Don't do this.',_ I pleaded in my head, screaming at the universe to not let this happen; to not let this amazing man, who I'd known for less than a week of my life, who I already _**loved**_ so much, die right in front of me. I knew I had to do something, so before I knew where they were taking me, my legs were sprinting around the school, to the other side of the building, where I'd seen a ladder, leaning against the wall of a nearby shed earlier that day. My heart was racing, my palms were sweating, and everything felt surreal, like I was somewhere else, like none of this was real and I was in some virtual reality.

Once I had reached the shed, I grabbed the ladder, grateful of its presence and drug it over to the wall of the multi-story school building in front of me. There was no way I'd be able to reach the rooftop with it, but a fire escape, its ladder drawn up and folded beneath it was only a few feet above where the top of the ladder would be, and there, I'd be able to reach the ledge, and hopefully pull myself up. I knew it was a long shot, but I'd never felt this strongly about _**anyone**_ , _**ever**_ in my life, and I knew I couldn't just stand back and watch this happen.

Cool metal against my trembling hands, I unfolded the ladder and climbed, ignoring the sticker near the top that told me not to go any higher, and with all my strength, pulled myself up, onto the small platform that was supposedly a fire escape, although I saw no way that it would help in an actual fire. I reached as high as I could and my hands made contact with the ledge of the roof above me. By the way, I must have failed to mention, but I am just a tad bit afraid of heights. I mean, I can manage the roof of a one-floor building, but a three-floor building was too much and I was reminded of that as I instinctively looked downwards and felt my heart drop to my feet. I became lightheaded as I saw how far the ground was below me, but I quickly reminded myself how much was at stake, and with new-found adrenaline, pulled myself up onto the ledge. I looked down, for only a second and realized how much it would hurt if I were to fall. I gulped and turned my head to my right, hoping to see Magnus, still alive and breathing, not yet a corpse, blood spattered around it, on the hard cement below him.

I finally breathed again, after I don't know how long, when I saw him, standing there, two small pools of blood to either side of him, (There were many cuts on both of his wrists.). I held my breath again, however, when I saw that he was about to jump, the toes of both feet, looming over the edge, his eyes closed, arms outstretched. "No!", I screamed. He ignored me and inched just a little more towards his death. I sprinted, as fast as my legs could take me, and practically tackled him from the side, ripping him away from his fate, and holding him close as I backed away from the ledge, bringing him far away from danger. I laid him down, hand still holding his head, unable to let him go. He looked up at me, a small smile twitching at the corners of his lips before he gagged. His hand touching his throat in a surprised response. He looked away from me and towards the sky, just before his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he started to shake, violent convulsions flowing through him. White foam seeped out of his mouth and his arms flailed out around him, trying to find something to hold on to. I took his hand in mine and leaned over him, "Magnus, it's okay, I'm here.", my pleads increased in worry and fear, however when he began to lose even more control rather than falling calm, "Magnus, Magnus, stop it!", I cried, pulling him up into a sitting position. Tears falling down my cheeks, I barely heard the sirens when an ambulance, firetruck, and police car, the whole deal, rolled up into the parking lot. All I could focus on was Magnus, his hand gripping mine so hard it hurt and his head thrusting back and forth. I felt powerless, unable to do anything to help him but be there. Eventually, a couple paramedics climbed up the ladder extending from the fire truck and rushed over to us. I resisted as they tried to pull me away; I wouldn't leave him, even though his fingernails were digging into my skin. The paramedics gave up at some point and worked around me, strapping him onto a stretcher and lifting him up. I followed them, down the ladder of the fire truck, and ran into the ambulance before they could close the doors. I refused to leave him and they knew by then that their efforts to separate us would be in vain, so they let me come with little to no argument. The rest was a blur; the ride to the hospital was horrifying and I barely noticed as hands rested on my shoulders, a paramedic telling me that I did the right thing. My head was swarming and I was doing everything in my power not to faint right on the spot. One thought was what kept me upright: ' _I love you, Magnus'._


	4. Chapter 4: THURSDAY

Chapter 4 - Thursday

His hand was limp in mine as I traced the wrinkles in his knuckles. I had been sitting there, at his bedside all day and night since they had given me access to his room and I was just about to take another bathroom break when I felt his finger twitch in my hand. I scanned his face, looking for any sign that he was waking up. Surprisingly, his eyelids began to flicker open and before I could restrain myself I let go of his hand and leaned over him, hugging him tighter than I ever had with anyone before, as I'm not much of a hugger. At that moment, however, I couldn't hold back. I had been waiting for so many hours for him to wake up beforehand, that it was practically impossible for me not to hug him. Honestly, I really felt like kissing him, but I managed to have enough self control not to.

He looked up at me, then around the room in a panic. "Wh-where am I?", he asked frightened. "You're at the hospital, Magnus.", I replied, a small smile forming on my lips which I then bit, forcing myself not to kiss him. My voice was gentle and suddenly insecure, I wondered if I sounded too gentle. He was about to say something when I suddenly blurted, "Magnus, I love you.". I gasped, covering my mouth with my hands. I had _**no**_ intention of saying that. ' _ **Fuck, oh fuck! Crap crap crap crap crap!**_ ', I scolded myself. "I'm sorry. I had no idea what I was thinking.", I said, before turning around, about to flee the scene. He reached out and took hold of my arm, making me turn back towards him. Surprisingly enough, he didn't look angry or even surprised, instead his expression showed a twinge of happiness. "Alexander…", he continued, "I love you too.".

I was speechless. "Wh-what?", I stammered, stepping towards him. With a chuckle, he replied, "Alexander, I love you.", before breaking out into a wide smile. By that point he had sat upright, and was now looking straight at me. I couldn't hold back any longer; my lips crashed into his, rushed yet hesitant at first, but then calm and passionate as he kissed me back. I pulled away, breathing heavily. His eyes looked ravenous as he looked at me, his expression appearing half surprised as he smiled. With a laugh, he said, "And you're a good kisser too.". I smiled back, managing a quick "Thanks, I guess.", before I leaned back in, hungry for more. His hand held the side of my neck as he swung his legs over the side of the bed, allowing me room next to him. I sat, grateful for the space, and he shifted, his torso facing me, as to be in a less awkward position. He did this in between kisses, and I now easily deepened our current kiss. This somehow triggered something within him as he pulled me even closer, his right hand at the base of my skull, and his left at my waist, and traveling downward.

I don't know how it all happened but somewhere along the way, our intimacy elevated and my shirt was off before we were interrupted by a nurse. "Oh my god!", she exclaimed, dropping the plate of hospital food she was holding. "Fuck.", I mumbled, mortified. He snickered at that comment and I hit him playfully on the arm. I climbed down off the bed (and him), and apologized, stuttering, "I-I'm so sorry…". She was still frozen and I was about to ask her if she was okay when she mumbled, under her breath, "Freaking faggots", before storming out of the room.

I looked back at Magnus, and remembering when the captain of the football team yelled that word in his face, I was suddenly filled with rage. Sprinting out of the room after her, I could just barely hear him calling my name. I ignored it, however, and caught up with her. I stopped her and grabbed her by the collar of her shirt. "What did you just say?!", I yelled in her face. She was now obviously frightened and I felt a twinge of guilt. "F-f-faggots…", she replied meekly. Suddenly, I heard Magnus, "Stop, Alexander!", he yelled from the doorway. Realizing what I was doing, I dropped her and took a step back. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.", I said, tone quiet. Coughing, she replied, "I should have known better. You're all terrible people.". I was about to cuss her out when I felt strong hands pull me back. I looked behind myself to see Magnus holding me back. "B-but Magnus-", I started. "I know what she said.", he cut me off. He repeated this again and again as he directed me back to his room, keeping me from hurting her. He sat me down on his bed and sat next to me. I knew then that there was no chance of further romance and therefore felt a twinge of guilt. He began to speak, a little slowly, like as if he was trying to pick the best words for what he was trying to tell me,"I've been out for a long time, Alexander, and I know by now that retaliating only makes things worse.", he said, looking down at his hands that were resting in his lap. "But what she said-", I began, furious. "I know what she said and she had no right to say that, but, Alec…", he interrupted me, calling me Alec for the first time, "... That doesn't give you the right to do that. Be the better man, okay?". I nodded. I kind of understood, but mostly, I was just doing that so that I wouldn't have to argue with him any more. I didn't want to argue; I just wanted to be with him, as a boyfriend, or at least a friend of sorts. "Um, Magnus…" "Yes?" "Magnus, do want to be my…" "Your… boyfriend?", he asked, finishing my sentence. "I swear you know me more than I know myself.", I said jokingly. He laughed before saying "I tend to have that effect on people.", before leaning towards me, his lips contacting mine with a gentle passion. I broke the kiss to persist, "You still haven't answered my question.". With a chuckle, he replied, "Of course, I'll be your boyfriend, Alexander.". He smiled and so did I and for a second, I forgot that we were in a hospital; A hospital that we were in because I had just saved him from committing suicide.

∘〇 〇∘

Eventually, my mother came to pick me up and I had to leave. After apologizing to the nurse, I reluctantly said my goodbyes to my new boyfriend who I _**loved**_. I couldn't wait to tell Izzy all about it once I got home but I realized, as I thought about it, that I'd have to come out to my parents, especially since they were bound to question me about my swollen lips and my slightly sweaty hair. I looked down as I rode in the back seat, quiet, trying to stay as unnoticeable as possible, so that she'd hopefully not try to start a conversation. I knew I had to tell her about my sexuality and my boyfriend some day, but I just wasn't ready yet, and neither were they, as they were still the most close-minded people I knew. My efforts were in vain, however, not that I was surprised, there was little chance of her not trying to talk to me, considering that in her opinion, I should be mentally scarred for almost witnessing a suicide, as she later expressed, "Alec, I just want you to know that you can talk to me and that if there's anything you want to ask me about depression or self-harm, I'm happy to answer for you.", her voice sounded caring but I knew that it wouldn't remain that way for long. I knew what direction this conversation was going and I tried to cut it off with a hum of acknowledgement. My attempts were again in vain as she persisted that I was not feeling good emotionally and she was partly correct because I wasn't feeling anything good about this conversation other than the little flashbacks I got when I thought of Magnus. "I'm really fine, mom.", I replied, tone weak yet agitated. "Alec, I don't want to start an argument with you, especially now, but I know that there is no way that you weren't negatively affected by this encounter.". She used professional-sounding words, but she's no psychiatrist and she had no idea how I felt. "Then stop arguing!", I yelled, angry at her constant pestering. "Just please leave me alone."

A sigh escaped her lips and she replied, in a calm, almost monotone voice, "I suppose you just need some time to think this through.", before returning her full attention to the road.

∘〇 〇∘

Once I was finally home, I raced to my room, where my backpack awaited me, neatly sitting atop my bed. After all the chaos at school, the principal let me take off a couple days and sent my backpack home with Izzy as well as my homework. This occurred yesterday, though, and she was currently still at school. I wondered why mom hadn't taken me home before nightfall yesterday and that's when I remembered how hard I fought against her when she arrived to do so, me insisting on staying with Magnus. My forgetfulness helped me to realize just how tired I really was, and collapsing onto my bed after setting my backpack on the ground next to me, I fell into a deep sleep.

I awoke to Izzy poking me. She had obviously just gotten home from school as she hadn't even bothered to take off her backpack yet. "Izzy, I'm tired.", Is all I could manage, mumbling quietly. "Alec, you need to tell me everything that happened yesterday!", he voice was serious yet excited, "I heard you saved a kid from suicide!". She said this like it was the best thing ever, but the reality is, that hundreds of teens commit suicide everyday and me saving Magnus didn't even make a dent. It was at that moment that I realized what I wanted to do with my life, in honor of my first love… save teens like me from committing suicide with innovative ideas and a dedicated team aiding me in my efforts. My daydreaming was cut short, however, when Izzy persisted in making me talk.

With a sigh, I complied, "The guy I saved was my crush. I found a ladder and used it to climb onto a fire escape thing that I used to get myself high enough to pull myself up onto the roof.", I paused, just now registering what I had done in the heat of the moment. "... Then I pulled him off the ledge and laid him down where he was safe, a few feet from the ledge.", emotion poured through me as I recalled the look in his eyes before he broke out into a seizure, "Then, he had a seizure and I waited until the emergency services came. I wouldn't let go of his hand….", I said that last part quiety, remembering everything… including my utter panic and fear. A single tear ran down my cheek, (I was sitting upright now.), and I didn't have a chance to wipe it away before Izzy saw, so I just let it and the others that followed, fall. It was all I could do not to break out in sobs, imagining my sweet Magnus hurt and afraid. "Oh, Alec…", Izzy replied sympathetically. Usually I would have told her not to be sorry for me, that it only made me feel worse, but for some reason, I had no emotional response to it at all, and therefore, I let it slide. I wanted to be alone with my feelings but at the same time, all I wanted was a shoulder to cry on and I felt a lump rise in my throat. "I love him so much.", I cried, breaking out into sobs. Apparently all it takes is for you to open your mouth to cause a wave of sadness to break through your cover. She stroked my hair and chanted, "I know you do.", her voice soft and full of love and admiration for her big brother.

My mom, knowing that Magnus was a guy and that he was who I saved, paused in the doorway as she walked by, when she overheard me confess my love for him. I didn't notice that she was there until Izzy began tapping on my shoulder and pointing at our mother, obviously alarmed at her sudden appearance. I looked up and saw her. As I did so, my shoulders sunk because I knew that this was when I would have to tell her everything… _**everything**_ … other than that dream of course. ;)

∘〇 〇∘

"Get out.", was all she said after I finished explaining, retelling the whole story from when I had first seen him all the way to my most recent conversation with Izzy. Her voice sounded controlled and I knew she was holding back anger, trying to stay calm. "But, mom-", I started, about to tell her how it was dark out and I didn't have anywhere to go. "GET OUT!", she screamed, startling both me and Izzy, who was standing on the other side of the room, leaning against the wood paneling. "I can't!", I screamed back, "I have nowhere to go!"

"Including here.", she said, anger consuming her voice. "Because you are not my son and therefore, this is _**not**_ your home." My eyes opened wide and I stammered, speechless. Thankfully, Izzy had plenty to say on my behalf. After a long time that was made up of me listening to Izzy and my "mother" argue in the hallway, where Izzy had taken my "mother" just after she had disowned me. After waiting for what felt like hours, they stepped back inside of my room, both looking right at me. "Isabelle has convinced me to allow you to stay for the night and to give you enough time to pack some necessities before leaving here. And I would also like to bring to your attention that I am taking you out of highschool. You can enroll yourself back into highschool when you start paying for your own lunches.". I gaped at them in shock. "So what… I'll just be… be homeless?", I asked, saying the last word slowly, barely believing that what was happening was real. Izzy was standing behind my "mother" and she mouthed silent apologies that told me that this was the best she could do. I gave her a small nod to let her know that I didn't blame her before inhaling deeply and replying, "Okay. I'll leave. It's not like I want to be in the same house as you after this anyway.". My words were packed with venom, me trying to cause her as much pain and regret as I could. Instead, she smiled and said, "Likewise.", before leaving the room.

I fell asleep that night wondering where I was going to go when I found a perfect conclusion. I texted Magnus my idea:

Me:

Hey, Magnus. Could you reply as fast as possible? It's kind of an emergency.

Magnus:

What kind of emergency? ;)

Me:

Not the kind you're thinking of, LOL. I need to stay the night.

Magnus:

Sounds a lot like what I was thinking to me. ;) ;) ;) ;)

Me:

… because my mother disowned me. :(

Magnus:

What?! Are you kidding me?! :O

Me:

Unfortunately, no. I told her about us and she couldn't accept it. She said that I wasn't her son! :'(

Magnus:

OMG! :O OK, you can stay. When are you coming over?

Me:

Tomorrow morning

Magnus:

I can't wait. :) 3

I set my phone down on my bedside table. An alarm was set for early in the morning and I planned to wake up before everyone else so that I could avoid my "mother", if I can even call her that anymore. I shook my head slightly before falling into a restless sleep, ' _How can she disown me for something that I have no control over?!'_... ' _This just isn't fair!'._


	5. Chapter 5: FRIDAY

Chapter 5 - Friday

That morning, I worked hastily to pack all of my favorite belongings before anyone woke up. My laptop, phone, toothbrush and toothpaste, comb, hair gel, and some clothes including that sweater Izzy got me for my birthday, were crammed into my small suitcase. I swung my backpack over my shoulder and headed out the door. As I walked around the block, just to get away from my family and house, I texted Magnus:

Me:

Hey, What's your address? I'm ready. ?

Magnus:

66400 N. WarBrook St.

Me:

Thanks. ?

Magnus:

NP ? Can't wait for you to get here. ?

I walked to his house and saw him waiting for me on his porch. I felt with him there, that that was where I belonged…. my real home.

∘〇 〇∘

Since I wasn't enrolled at school any longer, I was at Magnus' house, finishing my homework. I had to do it to officially leave my school and I felt a twinge of guilt, every time I answered a question, like as if it was my fault I wouldn't be going to highschool anymore. Even though school sucks in general, I still desperately needed my high school diploma to succeed in life. How am I supposed to save up the money to start a suicide prevention organization if I don't have a reliable source of income? Magnus was at school and his foster parents, Marshall and Ady, were at work, so I was left here alone. I was surprised at how accepting and kind his foster parents were. They knew that he was bi and still loved him, buying him glitter and helping him die the tips of his hair whenever he felt especially eccentric. They told me that my mother wasn't my mother anymore and that I was part of their family now. I finally felt accepted and free to be myself, instead of having to pretend to be someone I was not.

As I finished my last math problem, the front door swung open. Magnus was walking in, adorned with his skull-covered backpack and silver jewelry. Looking down at my watch, I realized that school had been let out and I had somehow lost track of time doing _**homework**_ which sounded nearly impossible. "Hey, Magnus.", I said, butterflies fluttering inside my chest. I hadn't been expecting him to be here so soon. "Hello, Alexander.", he replied with a sliver of sympathy barely noticeable in his tone. He walked over to the couch I was currently sitting on and sat down beside me. I tried to calm my nerves. "Aren't you gonna take off your backpack?", I laughed. "Ha. Yeah.", he said, his cheeks turning into a deeper shade of pink. He slid it off his shoulders and I watched his arm muscles flex as he did so. When he was finally released from the restraining force that was his backpack, he faced me, a serious expression taking to his features. "Alexander, I know what it's like to have people who don't accept you, to be abandoned like this… but… just know that I'm here for you.". I was shocked at his sudden change of tone and stuttered a reply, "I think I should be the one telling you that, considering.". He smiled a sad smile, and with a hand on my shoulder, said, "I have so much to live for.". I knew that by "so much", he meant me, and tears pricked the corners of my eyes. "I love you.", I said, voice cracking at the thought of ever losing him. "I love you, too, Alexander.", he said back, before pulling me into a bone-crushing hug.

After a while of just sitting there together, me wiping my eyes on his jacket, he pulled away, "You know, my parents won't be home until after five and neither of us have anywhere to be-". I cut him off with a hard kiss, pushing him backwards, his body now parallel beneath mine on the couch. "I understand.", I said after the kiss, a mischievous smiling forming at the corners of my lips.

∘〇 〇∘

We were laying beside each other on his soft double bed, his comforter lying loosely over us. We were both covered in sweat, breathing heavily, but I couldn't stop smiling. Just a week ago, I was no one. Now I'm a local celebrity and have the best boyfriend ever. He had his head resting on my chest and I stroked his hair thoughtfully. Suddenly, the front door clanged open and I heard voices in the living room. Panicking, I glanced at the alarm clock on Magnus' bedside table. _**5:15**_. "Crap.", I mumbled under my breath, willing for them not to walk in on us. The second the door had opened, Magnus' head perked up. "It's my parents.", he whispered. ' _Like as if I don't know that already!'_ , I thought. "Here, hide in the closet!", he demanded, getting up slowly and carefully opening the doors to the wardrobe that was propped against the wall. I barely fit, but I did as I was told. I could hear fabric rustling, him wiping off his damp face on his comforter and getting some clean clothes on. He was finished just in time. "Magnus, are you in here?", I heard Ady's dainty voice call out. Even though it was dark and I couldn't see anything, I knew that she was in the doorway. "Yes, Ady.", Magnus replied. "Why did you change?", she asked, clearly confused by his new outfit. "My other clothes got dirty.", he answered her simply. ' _At least that isn't a complete lie.'_ , I thought, fighting the urge to laugh. "Hm…. Where's Alec?". He hesitated for a moment before replying. "On a walk, he needing to think after all that family drama." "He's had plenty of time to think.", she said suspiciously. "Well he was doing his homework before and-", she cut him off before he could continue, "Magnus, tell me the truth." He sighed, knowing it was game over. "Alexander, you can come out now.". I saw her eyes widen as I stepped out of the wardrobe, a solemn look on my face. I felt guilty and dirty… but mostly I felt like laughing for some unknown reason. This whole situation was ridiculous. "Oh my god.", she said. I had one of Magnus' shirts tied around my waist to cover up anything graphic and I was blushing like crazy. "Magnus!", she exclaimed accusedly. He refrained from his smirk and made his face go blank, looking back at her. "What can I say? You left us alone for too long. It was only a matter of time…" "Magnus!", she repeated. "Okay, we need to talk. Now! And this time, your friend will actually be going on a walk." "Okay.", he replied, a small smile playing on his lips. "Goodbye my love.", he said with a blow kiss. He was obviously just saying this to annoy his foster mom but I still blushed as I went to the bathroom to access my suitcase that was sitting by the bath tub. When I was finally presentable, I awkwardly passed through his bedroom before leaving. His mother was talking in a stern tone and I wondered how much trouble we were in.

∘〇 〇∘

Eventually Ady concluded that the incident was her fault and that she should have changed her work schedule to accommodate for my presence. We didn't get off the hook without some form of punishment of course, and that evening we were being forced to rake _**every leaf**_ in their backyard before coming in for dinner. We talked casually as we worked, "So where am I gonna sleep now that we can't be trusted in the same bed?", I asked. Magnus laughed, "I have no idea… maybe the couch?". "Ha, you wish, I'm way too tall for that thing, if anyone's sleeping on the couch it's you." "Fine, I'll take it… It's not like the bed's very sanitary anymore anyway.", he added in that last part with a wink. I punched him playfully on the arm, "Your mom changed the sheets, you dimwit!" "I know.", he replied with a smile, a glint of reflected light shimmering in his eyes, that also smiled. I'd never seen him this happy. Thinking this made me feel a surge of giddy happiness and I couldn't help but to chuckle, expelling this energy in some way. "What are you thinking about?", he asked, a sly look in his eyes. "Oh, nothing.", I replied, still smiling. I couldn't believe this was real. I really was in a relationship with _**Magnus**_ , my first crush, my first kiss, my first so many things.

Just then, I was interrupted from my thoughts by Ady walking out into the backyard to greet us. Looking over at our pile of leaves, she said, "Good enough, It's getting dark, come in for dinner.". I set down my rake and went inside to wash up and eat. Magnus and I sat across from each other at their dinner table and played footsie as we ate our moo-shu pork.

∘〇 〇∘

That night, sheets were laid out on the living room couch and one of Magnus' pillows rested at one of the far ends of it. I was a little disappointed that I'd have to sleep alone in someone else's house but his pillow smelled like him. It calmed me down and I soon fell into a deep and peaceful sleep. I dreamed of Magnus, his hair glittering in the bright sunlight, eyes full of hope and shimmering with bliss….

 _ **Beep! Beep! Beep!**_ , at first I thought this sound was my alarm clock and reached over to turn it off, but when I obviously failed, I opened my eyes then screamed in fear at the sight in front of me. A blazing fire, blocking every exit, was consuming the room around me. I backed up onto the couch and instantly thought of Magnus. As if he could hear my thoughts, his burnt body came hurdling out of his bedroom. He was practically a skeleton with skin hanging off, burned and crispy. "Magnus!", I screamed… just then, I felt strong hands on my shoulders, shaking me awake.

My eyes flickered open and I saw that the one and only had been shaking me, trying to wake me up. ' _It was all a dream.'_ , I thought to myself as my heart rate fell back to normal. ' _Just a terrible, terrible nightmare.'_. Marshall and Ady were standing behind him and my cheeks flushed, embarrassment consuming me like the fire in my dream. I rubbed my eyes to get rid of the sleep and realized that I had been crying. "I had a nightmare.", I said meekly, barely able to form the words. When no one replied, it felt so awkward that I began to feel warm. Wiping my forehead, I noticed that I had woken up in a cold sweat. ' _Great.'_ , I thought, ' _I'm going to have trouble convincing them it was a nightmare now.'_. Suddenly reminded of the first dream I'd ever had about Magnus, my spirits lifted just a little…. Until I was reminded that he was leaning above me, looking at me like I was crazy and couldn't be left alone. Maybe I was. Considering this, I spoke once again, "There was a fire.", I gulped, remembering the horrifically vivid dream, "... he died.". A tear streamed down my cheek and I wiped it away quickly. "Oh, Alexander…", he started, voice frighteningly soft, "I'm not going any time soon.". He pulled me into a hug and I breathed in his scent, cologne and floral laundry detergent filling my sinuses.

My eyes were closed and I opened them, glancing over his shoulder. Ady was shaking her head, hand raised to her forehead, "I guess we don't have any choice now.". Confused, I questioned, "About what.". Face whipping around, like as if she had just realized I was there, she replied, "Put the pillow back on his bed. You'll be sharing it, but we need to have a talk first." Nodding, I remembered when my mother gave me 'the talk'. It was about girls, however, so I guess it didn't count. "Ady…...", Magnus whined, "Can't we just go to bed and be over with it?". Brow furrowed, she said, "Do you want him to stay here or not?". I knew she wouldn't have the guts to throw me out onto the street, she was too nice for that, and Magnus knew that too, but instead of protesting any further, we both nodded and I got up from the couch, gathering the pillow and removing the sheets, laying them in a pile next to the furniture item. Everyone but Marshall, who went back to bed, began their trek to Magnus' bedroom. Sitting down on his bed, Magnus and I sat very close, thighs touching ever so slightly. Ady stood in front of us, seemingly disappointed in our actions, like as if we did anything wrong. "I know you two love each other, but…. You can't just have intercouse willy nilly. You're too obsessed with each other." Magnus' cheeks were bright red and he decided to cut in, "Ady, you're embarrassing me." "You deserve whatever embarrassment you get. You two can't even stand to be apart for one night! It's not even like you have even been together for that long yet! What possibly could have happened between you two-" "HE WAS THE ONE WHO SAVED MY LIFE!", he screamed, getting up from his seat. Ady instantly paled. He continued, "HE STAYED WITH ME UNTIL I WOKE UP AND TOLD ME HE LOVED ME! WHAT ELSE DO YOU NEED?!". "I-I didn't know-", she stuttered. I touched his arm; all I wanted was for him to calm down, to get this conversation over with, and finally get to go back to sleep. I was tired out of my mind and all that was keeping me awake was all the chaos happening around me.

"It's not like you can even keep talking to us about this anymore now anyway. Just please. Go away.". She looked down at her lap and gave in, "Fine.", she confirmed, voice cracking, "Just….. Nevermind." and with that, she was out of the room. "Magnus…", I said quietly, voice hoarse, and realized that I sounded like I was scared of him, which I wasn't…. Right? "Just….. don't.", he said, hands cupped over his eyes. I knew that it wasn't a good time to talk to him and sleep taking over, laid in bed, "Night.", I said, accepting what had just happened. I could see his figure walking into the bathroom as my eyelids closed, spiking a twinge of curiosity before falling asleep.

∘〇 〇∘

Sometime in the middle of the night, I heard a blood-curdling scream. Surprised, I sat upright and looked around me. Ady, hand covering her mouth, was standing in the doorway of the bathroom. Remembering how the last thing I'd seen before falling asleep was Magnus walking into the bathroom, I rushed over to her to see what she was staring at. Magnus, his wrists covered in sleeves of countless cut marks, was laying on the bathroom floor, an empty bottle of pills sitting next to his outstretched palm. Shocked, I fell to the ground and held him in my arms. I felt for a pulse and could barely detect one. I held my shaking hand over his nose, hoping more than anything that breath would hit it. Thankfully, I could feel just a weak breeze against the palm of my hand. Half screaming, half crying, I said, "Ady! Call 911! CALL 911!", as she hurried away to reach the landline, I cradled him in my arms. Tears dripped from my cheeks and hit his expressionless face. Looking down at him, I couldn't help but think that this was all my fault.


	6. Chapter 6: SATURDAY

Chapter 6 - Saturday

'Fuck!', I yelled inside of my own head, how could I be in the same place I was just a couple days before, sitting at Magnus' bedside, waiting for him to wake up? Every time I looked at him, my eyes were drawn to his bandaged wrists and a jolt of emotional pain shot through the pit in my stomach. I felt like I was going to throw up, I couldn't see him like this. Earlier the day before, he had told me how much he had to live for. Later that night, he had attempted suicide. Again. The doctors had now concluded that it was something deeper than what we thought, that he could have depression so strong that even a relatively mild incident like what had happened the night before could trigger a suicide attempt. I'm now constantly worried about him, afraid that he could do it again, and that I may actually lose him.

I was awoken from my thoughts when a heard a moan from Magnus. "I'm here.", I said eagerly. He opened his eyes, but didn't look especially happy to see me. "Why?", was all he said in response. No "I love you.", or even a "I knew you would be.", but instead a "Why?". "Because I love you.", I replied, confused. He rolled his eyes, "I meant why are you here, in a hospital, when you should be at the morgue, mourning?!" "Ady found you in the bathroom and I told her to call 911….. I won't let you kill yourself." "WHY?!", he screamed, tears suddenly falling down his cheeks. "What if I WANT to die?! Why are you so… so… SELFISH?!" I stepped back in shock. I couldn't believe what he had just said to me. I knew that he wanted to kill himself but I didn't know that even I couldn't keep him from doing it. Would he really rather die than be in a relationship with me?! I felt terrible. "I-I'm sorry I'm such a burden to you…", I said, my own tears forming around the edges of my eyes. I swiftly fled the scene, ignoring him as he called my name, the volume of his cries growing with every step closer to the exit. For once, I was the one that wanted to die.

∘〇 〇∘

The tip of the blade pierced my skin, sending pain shooting all the way up my arm. The sudden sensation made me feel alive and I forgot my drama with Magnus. The exhilaration of the first cut was exciting and made me thirsty for more. I wiped my tears with the back of my hand and continued, drawing long cuts across my wrists and right thigh. Each time, I almost swore from the pain, then I smiled as I watched the blood ooze out. I'd suddenly frown and almost cry again, reminded of Magnus and repeat the action. Eventually, I had cuts from both wrists stretching up to both of my inner elbows and a line of long cuts along my right thigh and a few little ones on my left. I was tired and covered in blood, so I stopped, wiping off the blade and rinsing off the blood that was all over my arms and legs. Once I was cleaned off, I rummaged through my suitcase and found a sweatshirt and some sweatpants. Usually I'd wear a long sleeved t-shirt and jeans, but each of those would annoy me to death, constantly brushing against my cuts. I had just finished getting dressed and cleaning all of my blood off the floor and sink when Marshall walked in. I ventured out of the bathroom and into Magnus' bedroom where he was sitting on the bed. "Hello?", I greeted, wondering why he was there. "Hello, Alec. Could you please sit down for a moment, we need to talk." "Okaaayyyy….?", I said, confused. I sat next to him and looked at my lap, awkwardly fidgeting with my hands.

"I think you should leave.", he stated, skipping right to the point. "Wh-what?! But I don't have anywhere to go!", I stuttered back. He shook his head and continued, "I know you saved him once, but he's only getting worse now. Thank you for your help before but it's time for you to go. I'll even pay your rent if you get an apartment, just please…. Leave.". I felt like I was about to cry, but what he was saying made sense. 'I'm killing him... The one person I've ever truly loved…'

, "Okay.", I replied, voice cracking, "Just let me find a place first, at least.". He nodded, "That is acceptable. I'll meet you here tomorrow morning. You have until then to pick a new home.". With that, he stood up and left the room, door shutting noisily behind him. 'I guess I'd better get on Homeadvisor…'.

∘〇 〇∘

I spent the whole evening trying to find an affordable apartment nearby, because even though they were pretty much kicking me out, I still didn't want to be a burden. I had just found the perfect place when they called me into the dining room to eat. I brought my laptop with me so that I could show Marshall what I had found. "No electronics at the dinner table, Alec.", Ady warned, voice stern like my mother's. "I just wanted to show you guys what I found.", I justified. Marshall turned pale and I soon found out why when I showed them the apartment. Ady didn't

know that he had told me to leave, nor did she want me to, apparently. A heated argument broke out and I managed to sneak away and hop in my pickup before driving back to the hospital.

I opened the cool, white door slowly, cautiously peeking inside of Magnus' hospital room. I knew that I shouldn't be there, but I had to see him. To my surprise, he was sitting, his knees pulled up to his chest, crying. His hand supported his forehead and his elbow rested on his knee. It was mostly silent crying but every once in awhile, a loud sob would escape and he'd bury his face in his arms. Voice cracking, I decided to let him know that I was there, "M-Magnus… can… can I come in?". He nodded quietly and I slowly began my trek to his bedside. "Why would you come back for me? I only pushed you away… I'm sorry… I've just been very…", He paused, looking for the right word, "...emotional, lately." I nodded, "I understand. Your parents started to fight, so I left and went to the only person I could think of. You." He noticed me itching my wrist where the cuts had begun to heal and his brow furrowed. "Let me see your wrist." I didn't want to but I was almost excited at the thought of revealing our new similarity. "Umm… Why do you want to see my wrists?". He looked at me knowingly, "Please?". I nodded again and rolled up my sleeves and, to his astonishment, pantlegs. His mouth gaped and tears ran down his cheeks at the sight. I rolled them back down as he began to speak, "Oh, Alexander… Is this because of me? Did I do this to you?". I shook my head, but my reaction wasn't very believable and he began to break out in hitched sobs, "I'm so sorry, Alec! I don't even deserve-", I cut him off right there. "You deserve everything, Magnus. This isn't you, it's your…. Your illness. We're going to get you help. If you won't do it for you… do it for me. I can't stand you being like this, sad and suicidal. It hurts me deeply."

He stopped talking and was completely silent, an expression of hurt spread across his face. " Help?!", I suddenly regretted how I worded that last statement. " Help?! Alexander, I don't need help, I need you!". Tears ceased the formation that they had just recently been acquiring, "What? What do you mean?", I was now thoroughly confused and shocked. He rolled his eyes in frustration, "You're the only thing that brings me happiness, Alec, and that's what I really need, not effing meds!" I struggled to keep myself from smiling, a warm feeling flowing through me. I gulped, remembering the "perfect" apartment I had picked out…. And why. "Magnus… am I… I don't know… killing you?" He at first seemed shocked at the question but then considering it replied, "Maybe… but I'd wouldn't be alive in the first place if it wasn't for you." "... and what if I leave right now. You'd still be alive." "Alec, why are you asking such questions?" "Please! Just answer me!" "... no, I wouldn't still be alive, because I'm only truly alive when I'm with you, Alexander." I nodded, 'So much for the yellow tiny house with the white picket fence', I thought, 'Unless…', "Magnus, would you like to…. To get a house with me. Live together, away from everyone bad in our lives?" "Alexander, what is this? We're perfectly fine living at my house. Why would you want to move? Can we even afford to move?!" I hesitated before replying, "Your foster dad… he told me to leave, to find a new place to live and that he'd even pay my rent." "Oh, Alexander….", he said again, pulling me into a hug. "Of course I'll move with you.". "Really?", I asked, somehow surprised at his response. He smiled sweetly and said, "You're not getting rid of me that easily.". I laughed and he winked and it seemed that everything was right in the world again. I finally had my Magnus back, and he was mine and only mine.

∘〇 〇∘

After his parents arrived and signed him out, they wanted to drive with him in the back of their suburban, but I insisted that he ride with me in my pickup. Now, we were driving back to his house, discussing the moving-matters. "The place is a pre-furnished tiny house. All you have to take is some clothes and stuff.". He nodded, "And you leave this evening then come back at midnight to pick me up?" "Yup." "I still can't believe we're doing this." "Hey, he asked me to leave and that's just what I'm going to do.". He turned his head to look out the window and I knew that our discussion was over. After a few minutes of driving in silence, (I don't have a radio in my pickup.), I decided to start a new one. "So… what's your favorite color?" He looked over at me like I was insane, "Why are you asking something a two year old would ask?" I laughed and replied, "Just answer me." He sighed and after thinking for a second, replied, "Black." I nodded and after a few moments of awkward silence said, "Ok, I'm just trying to start up a convo, this car ride is like really awkward." "Agreed.", he said with a laugh and we talked and talked until my rusty old pickup had started to crunch down Magnus' gravel driveway.

∘〇 〇∘

That evening, I got finished packing and sealed the deal for renting the house. Marshall and I signed all the paperwork and I was finally ready to move in. Magnus was watching from the hallway when I left and gave me a little wink as I stepped out of the front door, a cool breeze hitting my face. Excited to check out my new place and nervous for the sneaky adventure I would later commit, my stomach churned, pained by my conflicting emotions. As I rolled up the long and narrow gravel path that led up to the tiny house, I thought of many things, but my mind could only concentrate on one. I stopped the pickup, turned off the engine, and picked up my suitcase, which was placed on the passenger seat next to me. Shutting and locking the doors, I left my pickup behind and walked up a cement pathway that led to the front door. Lifting my new house keys up to the keyhole cut into the lock on the door, I unlocked it. A 'click' sounded and I stepped inside, the small, wooden door brushing against my fingertips. I shut the door behind me and looked around.

Light from colorful stained glass windows illuminated the floors, adding a splash of color to the bland, light brown hardwood. Off-white walls surrounded me, circular windows cut into the smooth-ish barrier. A spiral staircase was in the center of the small cylindrical structure and as I climbed it, I began to make out what it led to. A surprisingly spacious loft awaited me, a domed ceiling engulfed with stained glass mosaic tiles, placed directly above the mattress, glittered in the faint glow of sunshine. It looked and felt magical. Dark blue sheets and many pillows adorned the mattress, making me feel a sudden wave of tiredness. I blinked, keeping myself alert, so that I wouldn't accidentally sleep past midnight and screw up the whole plan.

Once midnight finally struck, I clambered into my pickup and drowsily turned on the ignition. I was driving down Magnus' street, only a few blocks away from my destination, when my head drooped, me drifting from consciousness for a moment. I forced myself awake, startled at how I had let my tiredness take over me. A second was all it took, however, even though I caught myself, and I soon found myself hanging upside-down by my seatbelt, my truck destroyed by a collision with a tree. It had rammed into it and flipped over, the momentum overturning it in the air before it crashed, roof clanging against the sidewalk. The back of the truck kept it tilted, making me as high up as I could possibly be. A large gash pulsed red with dripping blood and had been torn into my scalp somewhere, the exact placement, however was unknown by feel. It wasn't until I glanced over at the cracked mirror embedded into the visor which hung by one latch in front of me, that I saw it, long and deep. The sight was nauseating and I held back a gag, not that it would affect anything if I threw up, I was most likely going to die anyway. Exhausted, my eyes slowly blinked shut, until all that remained was pain and darkness.


	7. Chapter 7: SUNDAY

Chapter 7 - Sunday

I wake up with a tube strapped to my face, pumping air into my lungs. My vision is blurred and my head throbbed, like as if an ax had been wedged into my skull. I grunted from the pain as it came over me, a single tear falling down my cheek. "Sh, sh, baby.", I heard a soft, comforting voice whisper in my ear. I detached the tube to sutter, "Wh-Who?", demanding to know the source of this gentle-toned reassurance. "Sh hh ….", the voice repeated, a rough, yet tender hand caressing my cheek and wiping away my lone tear. "Stay calm. Everything's going to be okay, sweetheart."

I blinked, a flutter of eyelids clearing my vision. A worried face came into focus, hovering just above my aching wound, creamy, brown eyes staring back into my gaze. "M-Magnus?", I asked, my question answered by a single, modest nod. I smiled a small smile and let myself sink into the hospital bed. At this point, the tube was laying beside me on my mattress which was covered with a shockingly steril, white sheet. Breathing without it was difficult, however, and I was now somehow, suddenly exhausted. I glanced over at it, signaling for Magnus to reattach it with the medical tape still clinging to its exterior. He nodded once again, catching my drift precisely, before doing what I requested of him to do.

I inhaled deeply, relieved by the help the machine provided. I looked back up at Magnus' beautiful face and saw him smile softly as he removed a stray lock of hair from my face, and returned it to its proper position behind my ear. "I love you so much.", he mumbled and I closed my eyes, unable to do anything else but to just enjoy the feel of his presence. 'I love you more.', I thought, as I drifted back into sleep.

∘〇 〇∘

A few hours later, I awoke to find Magnus napping, head bobbing, in the chair by my bed. I found that it was easier to breathe than the last time I took off the tube when I took it off to speak and decided to leave it off.

"Magnus?", I croaked. The second I spoke, his head shot up. Suddenly awakened by the sound of my voice, he blinked a couple times before replying. "Oh, hi, Alexander.", he said awkwardly. I smiled, "Hi.". He smiled back, "Are you feeling better?". I nodded, "Yeah." He looked down at his lap and replied, voice quiet, "Good, that's good.", before standing and walking towards the door. "Where are you going?", I asked, curiosity and concern coming at me like fire to gasoline. "Just getting a breath of fresh air, darling.", he said on his way out.

Worried and confused, I stumbling out of bed after he disappeared from sight, silently pushing the IV rack beside me. My head hurt with unforgiving jolts of pain, but I still trudged on, following Magnus' retreating figure. Eventually, I neared a corner, and saw him through a glass door to my left. He was outside, standing in a patch of grass, and leaning on the brick exterior wall of the hospital. A freshly lighted cigarette was resting in the cradle of the middle and index fingers of his right hand. I watched him inhale through the cigarette, then exhale a puff of smoke. I never knew he smoked, I just assumed that since he was underage, that he didn't. I wanted to go to him, but I knew I'd better be in bed when he got back, so I snuck back into my hospital bed and quickly fell asleep.

∘〇 〇∘

A awoke to a nurse tapping my shoulder. Magnus was gone and a stranger had taken his place. Before I could ask where he went, the nurse was explaining that she had to run a few tests. "Where's Magnus?", I asked, when the nurse finally allowed me to speak. "Who?" "My friend, he was just in here a while ago." Face suddenly turned solemn, she lowered her head and said in a weak voice, "He won't be visiting for a while.", before hurriedly collecting her instruments and rushing out the door.

I cried after her, but she ignored my pleas as I could hear her footsteps going faster down the hallway. "He's okay. He's okay. He's okay. He's got to be okay.", I whispered to myself as I frantically pushed the red emergency button on the side of my hospital bed until nurses began to flood the room.

" **He's got to be okay."**

* * *

Here's the end of this fanfiction. I decided to leave it at a pretty big cliffhanger because I knew I wasn't going to be able to put all I wanted to say in this one chapter and I knew I was more likely to write a sequel if I left it on a cliffhanger. I hope you enjoyed. :) 3


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